Sorry, Republicans: She's Just Not That Into You.

Hey, my GOP friends and Tea Party true believers. Dudes (and most of the folks I'm talking to are of the "dude" gender), it has happened to us all. It's part of the game to think you have scored, really found the one that will love you forever. And it doesn't hurt that she's so fine, says the sweetest things, and--she's hella rich, too. She looks good on your arm and helps you get into all the right parties. Hooks you up with the right people. Generous people.

Problem is, guys: It's not forever.
It's just your turn.

 I know; my Democrat buddies and I have been there before, and she dumped us, too, once we did--or could no longer--give her what she really wanted.

We romanced the (rhymes with) "Rich" ourselves--gave her chocolate-covered tax breaks, diamond-clad defense contracts, and gallantly went into battle to defend...well, whatever we were defending, it sounded sweet and important when she whispered it in our ear.


Your grandfather, Ike, was clear-eyed enough to try and stay clear of her. He had a pet name for her: "The Military Industrial Complex". Since then, she and her girlfriends in Big Finance have done a good job of flirting with both of us, only to really go out with the winners each cycle. I call them, "The Mean Riches".

Remember when the Mean Riches put George W up for class president as a joke, and he wound up winning!  All the time, they were really snogging the neocons that pretended to be his friends. When the boys got unpopular in 2008...well, they flirted with my man Barak, but they really started working on you.

Like I said, it's been happening for a long time and to your friends and mine. But, it is different this time. There is something else going on. It's going to hurt, but I'm really trying to warn you...as a friend:

She's not that into you. Or me. She just wants the money.

When you give her new tax breaks that empty your state budget wallet, she will promise you how that's going to mean all her friends will run to your state and give your constituents jobs! When you new Republicans put the public sector unions out of business, she's whispering in your ear how you are going to be unbeatable! But where are those jobs, my man? Who makes an unbeatable profit if unions disappear in America: You, your people, or her corporations? She won't need you anymore when there are no taxes on corporations and no regulators and no unions. She'll already have it all.

Okay, you still think I'm just trying to spoil your good thing because I'm a jealous, sore loser? Fair enough; I'm not happy, but I'm not trying to take it out on you. All I'm asking is this: What are you going to be left with when you win all the fights she's putting you up to? Did you forget what she's really after?

Remember Grover Norquist? Back in 2001 he said,  "My goal is to cut government in half in twenty-five years, to get it down to the size where we can drown it in the bathtub."  I've seen a picture of her room; she's got his poster on the wall.

Get it? You want to be the government...and she wants to drawn the government. In a bathtub of debt.

And you filled the tub with deficits by telling her she didn't have to pick up the tab for anything. Gallant, unless you consider that she's a whole lot wealthier than you are. When the government is broke, and the unions are broken, and all your opponents are kneecapped, you will think you won.

And then she'll kick you to the curb, man. You will rule nothing. Then you are going to look back and see that the signs were all there all along, but you didn't want to see them. All the stuff she told you would be so fun to do that seemed just a little shady, kinda cruel, maybe not even all that constitutional?

Hey, I don't think I'm going to change your mind. I know you can't hear this right now. You don't want to, even when the doubts won't go away. I probably wouldn't have listened when it applied to me; nobody ever does.

But, hey--give me a call if you do see this going south someday, and we'll see if we can salvage something. I'm in the book, under "Loyal Opposition".